What's that saying, "Too many chiefs, not enough..."
They coronated another chief today. Maybe it's the inferiority complex we here in the second city feel, but whatever the explanation there is no doubt in my mind anymore that we lead all nations in chiefs.
Once upon a time, the corporate America hierarchy was easy to discern, quaint even. Like our government, the top spot was reserved for the President. Everyone understood in an organization that if you were President, you were the top dog. But if one Vice President is good (an arguable tenent given the rather irrelevance of that position in the context of our government), several has to be better. Thus begat the naming of Vice Presidents for each of the major operating units. For those within each business unit, you still more or less understood the pecking order. That is, until the banks got involved.
Looking to further improve on that model, banks took this to an extreme. Pretty soon, damn near everyone but the tellers had the title "Vice President" somehow attached to their name. There were "Associate Vice Presidents", "Assistant Vice Presidents", "First Vice Presidents", etc. ad nauseum. Not only did they cheapen the title, but you could no longer figure out the pecking order--which is really the only point of titles anyway.
Luckily, most other companies decided not to follow the ridiculous path being forged by our brethern in the banking trade. Unluckily, we just couldn't leave well enough alone, which is what happens when you become an $85 billion multi-national behomoth. Pretty soon we, too, started inflating the titles of the heads of our business units. What were once Vice Presidents thus became Presidents. On the plus side, it relegated the title "Vice President" back to the irrelevant scrap heap from which it arose in the first place. (We still have Vice Presidents, of course. Who doesn't? But unless that title is followed by an "and" then take it to the bank. You have absolutely no chance of ascending to a President title. In other words, you've basically been told that you're not much to look at but you have a great personality.)
Having cheapened the title of President by passing it around like high school boys pass around a bottle of Boone's Farm on a Friday night, the deep thinkers in human resources were in a real pickle. One must be able to distinguish, for example, between a mere President and a real President. Let me think. Let me think. That's where the chief comes in.
So we named a Chief Executive Officer, of course. He still has President in his title, but he's been appended, as in "...AND Chief Executive Officer." What this means, of course, is that when all the executive officers meet, he's the one that gets to sit at the head chair and control the meeting. Believe me, that is the single best perk, ever. Forget the paycheck, the personal driver, the corporate jet. Forget the country club memberships, the stock options and the summer house in the Hamptons. If you get to control the meeting--when it starts, what the agenda is and, most importantly, when it ends, that is the real power of life. It's like holding the remote control, permanently.
We then named a Chief Operating Officer. He's also an appended one, too, as Vice President AND Chief Operating Officer. One thing to know about this job, though, is that it comes with a wink, as in, we know, wink wink, who really gets stuff done. In every day terms, this guy is the wingman. His main job is to make sure he's got the CEO's back. If he's loyal, if he doesn't step in it too bad, someday he too may get to hold the remote control.
Acting like Michael Jackson in a plastic surgeon's office, we just couldn't control ourselves. If one is good and two is better, eight chiefs must be the bestest. That is, until there are nine. So we added an entire menu of chiefs--Chief Governance Officer, Chief Ethics Officer, Chief Information Officer, Chief Procurement Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Compliance Officer. And that's just on the executive level. Among the serfs, we added Chief Clerk, Chief Mechanic, Chief Sales Associate and Chief Engineer. But before our friends in HR tear a rotator cuff patting each other on the back at what they wrought, they ought to recognize that the light at the end of the tunnel is an on-coming semi. If past be prologue, and it is, we'll have to title inflate again. That's what we do. You see it in government with the incessant need to name Czars, which, admittedly, has a certain ring to it despite its spotty history. I think the only remaining question is the order of the titles on the business card, which, pretty soon, will have to be printed on 8 1/2 by 11 stock.
Me? I supect there's not a chief in my future. I suspect there's not an "AND" in my future, either. I'll die a happy man if I could just get more than one word in my title.
Once upon a time, the corporate America hierarchy was easy to discern, quaint even. Like our government, the top spot was reserved for the President. Everyone understood in an organization that if you were President, you were the top dog. But if one Vice President is good (an arguable tenent given the rather irrelevance of that position in the context of our government), several has to be better. Thus begat the naming of Vice Presidents for each of the major operating units. For those within each business unit, you still more or less understood the pecking order. That is, until the banks got involved.
Looking to further improve on that model, banks took this to an extreme. Pretty soon, damn near everyone but the tellers had the title "Vice President" somehow attached to their name. There were "Associate Vice Presidents", "Assistant Vice Presidents", "First Vice Presidents", etc. ad nauseum. Not only did they cheapen the title, but you could no longer figure out the pecking order--which is really the only point of titles anyway.
Luckily, most other companies decided not to follow the ridiculous path being forged by our brethern in the banking trade. Unluckily, we just couldn't leave well enough alone, which is what happens when you become an $85 billion multi-national behomoth. Pretty soon we, too, started inflating the titles of the heads of our business units. What were once Vice Presidents thus became Presidents. On the plus side, it relegated the title "Vice President" back to the irrelevant scrap heap from which it arose in the first place. (We still have Vice Presidents, of course. Who doesn't? But unless that title is followed by an "and" then take it to the bank. You have absolutely no chance of ascending to a President title. In other words, you've basically been told that you're not much to look at but you have a great personality.)
Having cheapened the title of President by passing it around like high school boys pass around a bottle of Boone's Farm on a Friday night, the deep thinkers in human resources were in a real pickle. One must be able to distinguish, for example, between a mere President and a real President. Let me think. Let me think. That's where the chief comes in.
So we named a Chief Executive Officer, of course. He still has President in his title, but he's been appended, as in "...AND Chief Executive Officer." What this means, of course, is that when all the executive officers meet, he's the one that gets to sit at the head chair and control the meeting. Believe me, that is the single best perk, ever. Forget the paycheck, the personal driver, the corporate jet. Forget the country club memberships, the stock options and the summer house in the Hamptons. If you get to control the meeting--when it starts, what the agenda is and, most importantly, when it ends, that is the real power of life. It's like holding the remote control, permanently.
We then named a Chief Operating Officer. He's also an appended one, too, as Vice President AND Chief Operating Officer. One thing to know about this job, though, is that it comes with a wink, as in, we know, wink wink, who really gets stuff done. In every day terms, this guy is the wingman. His main job is to make sure he's got the CEO's back. If he's loyal, if he doesn't step in it too bad, someday he too may get to hold the remote control.
Acting like Michael Jackson in a plastic surgeon's office, we just couldn't control ourselves. If one is good and two is better, eight chiefs must be the bestest. That is, until there are nine. So we added an entire menu of chiefs--Chief Governance Officer, Chief Ethics Officer, Chief Information Officer, Chief Procurement Officer, Chief Financial Officer and Chief Compliance Officer. And that's just on the executive level. Among the serfs, we added Chief Clerk, Chief Mechanic, Chief Sales Associate and Chief Engineer. But before our friends in HR tear a rotator cuff patting each other on the back at what they wrought, they ought to recognize that the light at the end of the tunnel is an on-coming semi. If past be prologue, and it is, we'll have to title inflate again. That's what we do. You see it in government with the incessant need to name Czars, which, admittedly, has a certain ring to it despite its spotty history. I think the only remaining question is the order of the titles on the business card, which, pretty soon, will have to be printed on 8 1/2 by 11 stock.
Me? I supect there's not a chief in my future. I suspect there's not an "AND" in my future, either. I'll die a happy man if I could just get more than one word in my title.
posted by Gary Benz @ 11:33 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home